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Miles never went through a nursing strike, so this has come completely by surprise from Juniper. The only issue I’ve had with Juni was that in the beginning, he nursed constantly giving me little time for anything else. So now at nearly 9 months old he has begun refusing to nurse. It’s frustrating and upsetting to have my sweet baby push me away. I’ve been reassured that he is NOT weaning himself and that it is a completely normal phase in development for a breastfed baby. It’s just so odd for him to reject his source of hydration and comfort out of seemingly nowhere. Not just to push away from me, but to look at my breast with confusion as if it were a 3 headed alien. I’m trying to remain calm and steady and continue to offer my milk to him. I’ve been expressing and giving him that so that he doesn’t become dehydrated.

A friend of mine that had great success nursing her son, has given me advice and this link to more information about nursing strikes.

Today has been a bit better. He partially nursed twice so far, once on waking and once before his nap. I feel like it will be a couple of days before we are back on track, but I’m happy to have a good support system in place to help me through the rough spots.

Miles woke up this morning with his very first stomach bug. It’s been going around his school and I guess it was his turn. The first thing I did (after cleaning sick off the kitchen floor, then living room floor) was call my mom. She’s always my go to person for sick kid advice. I knew basically what foods to avoid and which to give, but I just wanted to double check plus get any mom secrets she might have.

I was having trouble getting him to keep anything down. Toast, deluded juice, water and cough medicine had all ended up on the floor at my feet. Cough medicine, because on top of the stomach bug, he still has a pretty bad cold. So, mom reminded me to have him take slow, small sips of liquid so that his stomach wouldn’t be so tempted to reject it. She also reminded me of the B.R.A.T. (bananas, rice, applesauce and toast) diet to ease upset stomach. Of course I had to get him to keep down a liquid before I even thought about solid foods. The last thing she mentioned was a homemade Gatorade recipe she had given me years ago just in case. Just in case I had a child that was sick and I didn’t want to give them tons of sugar, fake colors and flavors.

Gatorade uses sucrose, glucose and fructose, undisclosed “natural flavors” and colors in their basic recipe. That just doesn’t fly with me. I really can’t understanding putting crap into my son’s body when he already feels like crap. So, I’m super glad that I had the recipe at hand. Here it is below. I just want to mention that after a nap, two cups of the homemade Gatorade (which he calls gaterjuice) and a handful of crackers, Miles is feeling almost human again. Thanks mom!

Homemade Gatorade

1/3 cup Sugar

1/2 salt

1/2 cup boiling water

1/2 pulp-free orange juice

1/4 cup fresh squeezed lemon juice

7 cups cold water

*Makes 2 quarts

In pitcher combine sugar, salt and boiling water. Stir to dissolve. Add orange juice, lemon juice and cold water. Stir before serving. This tastes just like, if not better than store bought Gatorade at a fraction of the price.

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A couple of years ago, I was at wit’s end. I was depressed and anxious because I was having difficulty getting pregnant. Miles and I were not getting along very well, fighting like an old married couple. Basically, I just needed a break. A long break. I took a week to myself with no responsibilities, no time restraints or house work. I took the bus to spend the week at my mother in-law’s house in Virginia. She was working the whole week, so I had the place to myself. It was glorious. I sat and listened as the heavy rain beat against the green leaves outside the open windows. Wrote for hours. Napped. Ate. Walked outside when the rain stopped. It was thoroughly rejuvenating. When I returned to my regular life, Miles and I were friends again (for a week or so). I had been so relaxed that I got out of my body’s way. I was pregnant with Juniper.

Well, it’s been a while and I need that break again. Although my time in Virginia was relaxing, I’m looking for someplace new. Someplace that holds new sounds, smells and tastes. I won’t be able to go until the summer since Miles is in preschool now, so that gives me plenty of time to decide. If anyone has any ideas or suggestions, please let me know. It should be a place that has lots of quiet, but also safe for a woman to travel alone. It also has to be SUPER cheap. Tall order, I know.

I love my family more than  I can ever put into words, but… mama needs a break.

I'm feeling a bit like Liz today.

Well, its a new year with all new possibilities. I’m feeling lighter, emotionally and physically. New Year’s weekend was pretty wonderful for me and I’m trying to carry that through for as long as I can. I finally got some real ME time by surrounding myself with girlfriends, while leaving the boys with Kofi over night and in to the next day. I missed my family, but the time away was refreshing to say the least. All that was necessary for my little getaway was a breast pump and an incredibly wonderful husband to hold down the fort. I thank my lucky stars that Kofi is so supportive and understanding of my needs. He had some bonding time with his sons and I was able to be girly and slightly irresponsible. I loved it!

I now feel like I can reasonably deal with Miles’ insubordinate behavior without become a wailing banshee. It does no good for either of us when all my patience is gone. Maybe we both needed the time apart. All I know is that yesterday, we had a fantastic day of playing, eating, talking and just being a family. It was marvelous.

Also I’m happy to say that I reached my weight loss goal for 2011. The baby weight is gone plus a little extra. This year I hope to just firm up and get down to the weight I was when I met Kofi. I can do it!

So, I’m looking forward to this new year. I’m very curious to see what it will bring to us or what we’ll bring to ourselves.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,600 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 27 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Huh, I didn’t do it today either.

I’ll start it tomorrow.

Wow, today really got away from me. When am I going to do all of these things that I keep telling myself I need to do?

I know, next week will be better. I’ll have so much more time and hopefully I’ll be motivated to do it.

These are the thoughts that keep me safe in my little bubble where I wish so much for myself, but don’t actually attain any of my goals. Right now in fact, I’m writing this blog entry so that I have an excuse not to fold the laundry and start dinner. If I don’t get those simple tasks done, then I certainly won’t have time to lift weights, crochet, clean, do yoga or any number of things I tell myself I wish I had time to do. My mind is already jumping to next month when the holidays are over and I won’t have so many obligations to deal with.

I want to be in the kind of shape I was in when I lived in San Diego, but that requires exercise (The photo to the right is from that time in my life. When ever I look at it, I wish I had that energy again). I get past this by assuring myself that no one expects a mother of a toddler and a 6 month old to have the extra time and energy to exercise. It’s so easy to justify. I know I’m not alone in this. That’s why when we see someone that has all the time restraints that we do and more, but is still able to miraculously run marathons or run their own business, they seem inhuman. We wonder what their big secret is. I know their secret, it just doesn’t feel realistic to me. They have drive. Stamina that is unwavering even on the hard days. They push themselves farther than I’m usually willing to push myself.

One might argue that I pushed myself to have two natural births. I was able to push myself through learning to nurse Miles and then nursing a voracious Juniper when he came along. But see, there is a difference. I did those things for the welfare of my children, not so much for myself. When it comes to pushing myself to do things just for me, I tend to falter.

The aspect of this ongoing struggle that always gets me down, is that there are only so many tomorrows to wait for.

Juniper

Things are finally starting to fall in to place with Juniper and Miles. Having two kids is just… well, it’s harder than I would have imagined. Trying to keep up with the needs of an infant and a 3 year old has been a real test of my patience. Miles still isn’t fully potty trained, but at least he’s doing all his #2 in the potty. Juniper is passed the colic, but is now dealing with teething. I’ll take pee pee diapers over poopie diapers and teething over colic any day.

As far as brothers go, they are pretty awesome. I can see the love that they have for each other get stronger every day. Miles loves to help me take care of Juniper. Whether it’s throwing out a dirty diaper, fetching me some wipes or rocking him in his seat to calm his crying, he is a fantastic big brother. I try to imagine what they will be like as teenagers. Will they be close friends or have separate interests? Will they fight or defend each other? Will they still be good boys or will I want to sell them to the gypsies? Only time will tell.

The holidays are coming up fast. Thanksgiving will be here in a little over a week and then Christmas. Miles is talking about writing a letter to Santa and we need to start thinking about our Christmas photo/video we do every year. Now that our family is complete, it’ll be nice to document it with one of our usual silly projects. Stay tuned!

Lastly, I love my little family. That being said, I need to find more time for myself so that I can continue to feel the love.

For those that don’t know, I’m a classically trained vocalist that never took my singing to the professional level because I was too busy finding myself. Yow, that sentence kicks me in the gut a little, but the truth hurts sometimes. I had the talent (or so I was told), but never had the drive to make things happen. I was too young and too hungry for social interactions to get to my 8 am Music Theory class or practice my conducting assignments (p.s. I looked like an untrained monkey flapping its arms). Besides I was going to be a singer, not a teacher. So who cared, right? Well, my professors didn’t care if I was there or not, but my parents sure did. After my second year of mediocre grades and a slew of incompletes, they pulled the plug on my music school career. I continued taking vocal lessons for a year or so, but finally stopped all together due to lack of money and having no idea where I was going with it.

Over the years, through my twenties and my first marriage, I lost track of how much singing meant to me. I forgot how it made me feel and how it freed me up inside. Some people find it through exercise, talking or drugs. My freedom comes from singing. As loud as I can. Driving in the car, blasting whatever song I’m feeling at the moment. Windows rolled up, so it’s all I can hear. All I can feel. For a long time, that’s the only singing I did. Car, shower…yada yada yada. After meeting Kofi (second and last husband), the glimmer of hope shined on my little musical heart. Being a musician himself he encouraged me to record a few songs with him for my friend’s wedding gift and my mom’s birthday. It was…glorious. Standing in his small recording studio/bedroom, singing to his instrumentals was dream like. It felt so right. It made me feel closer to him and closer to myself. All that anger that I’d been holding on to from my first marriage started to fall away piece by piece. Oh we had such plans! We wanted to record an album of covers, then one of originals. A non-traditional Christmas album done our way. The dreams went on. They turned out to be just that, dreams. We put them off and off and off… then we had Miles. Yeah well it takes much more dedicated musicians than ourselves to get into the studio on a regular basis with a baby in the mix. So we let it slide indefinitely.

For some odd reason, now that we are on baby number two, the music has bullied its way back into my life. Thanks to a friend, I started singing with the Raritan Valley Community Chorus while I was pregnant with Juniper. I wasn’t really sure if I could continue after he was born, but here it is three and a half months later and I’m making it work. From there I was offered a spot in the Riverside Quartet as the new alto. A professional quartet! It’s not Broadway, but it’s filling me up inside.

Being a full-time stay at home mother can be (and is) overwhelming. The tears, tantrums and tribulations drain me like nothing ever has. I’m assured by my peers that my children are lovely and well-behaved (in public anyway), but that doesn’t make the tough days any easier to get through. Up until now, I was able to find some solace in quiet activities like cooking and crochet, but it wasn’t the cleansing that my spirit needed. I guess my voice needed to be heard again. It had been wasting it’s time on yelling, pleading and correcting and forgot how to be happy. It’s now slowly relearning how to be pretty again. It’ll take some time to get my voice back in shape, but I’m willing to put in the time. I need this.

A side note: After a particularly grueling rehearsal, I find my stomach muscles feeling tighter as if I’ve been doing some crunches. So, if I can get a flatter tummy out of singing too, what’s not to love?

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Juni is still not completely past the colic and it is definitely wearing on me. He’s much better now, but he has his bad days. I’m shocked that at this point Miles doesn’t hate both of us. I’m constantly shushing him so that Juniper will sleep a little longer. I just need the quiet is all. I know it’s good to let babies get use to sleeping through noisy situations so they know the difference between night time and day time sleeping, but… honestly my brain needs him to sleep. So far gripe water is the only thing that will calm him when he’s deep into the crying. If I didn’t have that at the ready, I’d probably have gone postal by now. I’ve just gone a teeny bit crazy, so that’s not too bad I guess.

To any mama going through this with her little bundle of heaven, I highly recommend Wellements Gripe Water For Colic. It’s made with organic ginger and fennel extracts as well as organic chamomile flower. It has no alcohol or sucrose in it. It’s been mommy’s little helper for the past month or so. I don’t know what I did before it or what I’d do without it. You can order it at the link above. Luckily it is also sold at Kid to Kid Consignment stores, which has a store local to me.

I’d love to hear from anyone that has survived colic with their baby. If you have any hints or magic trick you’d like to share with the rest of us, please comment here. Thanks!

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