I’ll do it tomorrow when I have more time.

Huh, I didn’t do it today either.

I’ll start it tomorrow.

Wow, today really got away from me. When am I going to do all of these things that I keep telling myself I need to do?

I know, next week will be better. I’ll have so much more time and hopefully I’ll be motivated to do it.

These are the thoughts that keep me safe in my little bubble where I wish so much for myself, but don’t actually attain any of my goals. Right now in fact, I’m writing this blog entry so that I have an excuse not to fold the laundry and start dinner. If I don’t get those simple tasks done, then I certainly won’t have time to lift weights, crochet, clean, do yoga or any number of things I tell myself I wish I had time to do. My mind is already jumping to next month when the holidays are over and I won’t have so many obligations to deal with.

I want to be in the kind of shape I was in when I lived in San Diego, but that requires exercise (The photo to the right is from that time in my life. When ever I look at it, I wish I had that energy again). I get past this by assuring myself that no one expects a mother of a toddler and a 6 month old to have the extra time and energy to exercise. It’s so easy to justify. I know I’m not alone in this. That’s why when we see someone that has all the time restraints that we do and more, but is still able to miraculously run marathons or run their own business, they seem inhuman. We wonder what their big secret is. I know their secret, it just doesn’t feel realistic to me. They have drive. Stamina that is unwavering even on the hard days. They push themselves farther than I’m usually willing to push myself.

One might argue that I pushed myself to have two natural births. I was able to push myself through learning to nurse Miles and then nursing a voracious Juniper when he came along. But see, there is a difference. I did those things for the welfare of my children, not so much for myself. When it comes to pushing myself to do things just for me, I tend to falter.

The aspect of this ongoing struggle that always gets me down, is that there are only so many tomorrows to wait for.