This week has been filled with celebrations and frustrations. On one hand, my son has taken his first steps and is progressively growing more confident. It happened two days ago in his room. He walked between Kofi and I. He was like a wobbly baby dear on ice, but he made it. We couldn’t have been prouder. Now he’s walk/running between us as we sit farther and farther apart. We keep the motivation up by holding his teddy bear or elephant on one side and having him walk to it. When he reaches his goal we let him give the animal a squeeze and a kiss and then pass it back to the other person. I never thought that he would walk so soon. He’s nearly 11 months and has been standing on his own for a couple of months, but didn’t really seem interested in walking by himself. So, hooray for that!!

The frustration lies in the fact that Kofi is still unemployed and I am looking for work myself. I had planned to stay home with Miles until he was in pre school or kindergarten, but now it looks like that plan has failed. Kofi will be here with him until he finds a job himself, but after that either I quit my job or we would have to find daycare. I really hate the idea of starting to work at a job only to quit in a few months or less. It feels dishonest. I just wish that things could be the way they were before. Me the stay at home mama, him the successful working papa. If I could make as much money as Kofi, I wouldn’t mind going back to work full time and him staying home, but that’s just not going to happen. My experience and education will not allow me to bring in more than $30,000 at the most and that’s not going to even cover our mortgage. So, huge frustration!!

So, as happy as I am that my baby is growing and learning more and more each day, depression sets in that I may not be home the next time he takes his next big step.