A New Year’s quicky.
02 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Quickies Tags: girlfriends, Health, New Year, New Year Resolution, Weight loss
I'm feeling a bit like Liz today.
Well, its a new year with all new possibilities. I’m feeling lighter, emotionally and physically. New Year’s weekend was pretty wonderful for me and I’m trying to carry that through for as long as I can. I finally got some real ME time by surrounding myself with girlfriends, while leaving the boys with Kofi over night and in to the next day. I missed my family, but the time away was refreshing to say the least. All that was necessary for my little getaway was a breast pump and an incredibly wonderful husband to hold down the fort. I thank my lucky stars that Kofi is so supportive and understanding of my needs. He had some bonding time with his sons and I was able to be girly and slightly irresponsible. I loved it!
I now feel like I can reasonably deal with Miles’ insubordinate behavior without become a wailing banshee. It does no good for either of us when all my patience is gone. Maybe we both needed the time apart. All I know is that yesterday, we had a fantastic day of playing, eating, talking and just being a family. It was marvelous.
Also I’m happy to say that I reached my weight loss goal for 2011. The baby weight is gone plus a little extra. This year I hope to just firm up and get down to the weight I was when I met Kofi. I can do it!
So, I’m looking forward to this new year. I’m very curious to see what it will bring to us or what we’ll bring to ourselves.
2011 in review
02 Jan 2012 1 Comment
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,600 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 27 trips to carry that many people.
Too many tomorrows or not enough?
06 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
in Quickies Tags: Breastfeeding, Motivation, Natural childbirth, Procrastination
I’ll do it tomorrow when I have more time.
Huh, I didn’t do it today either.
I’ll start it tomorrow.
Wow, today really got away from me. When am I going to do all of these things that I keep telling myself I need to do?
I know, next week will be better. I’ll have so much more time and hopefully I’ll be motivated to do it.
These are the thoughts that keep me safe in my little bubble where I wish so much for myself, but don’t actually attain any of my goals. Right now in fact, I’m writing this blog entry so that I have an excuse not to fold the laundry and start dinner. If I don’t get those simple tasks done, then I certainly won’t have time to lift weights, crochet, clean, do yoga or any number of things I tell myself I wish I had time to do. My mind is already jumping to next month when the holidays are over and I won’t have so many obligations to deal with.
I want to be in the kind of shape I was in when I lived in San Diego, but that requires exercise (The photo to the right is from that time in my life. When ever I look at it, I wish I had that energy again). I get past this by assuring myself that no one expects a mother of a toddler and a 6 month old to have the extra time and energy to exercise. It’s so easy to justify. I know I’m not alone in this. That’s why when we see someone that has all the time restraints that we do and more, but is still able to miraculously run marathons or run their own business, they seem inhuman. We wonder what their big secret is. I know their secret, it just doesn’t feel realistic to me. They have drive. Stamina that is unwavering even on the hard days. They push themselves farther than I’m usually willing to push myself.
One might argue that I pushed myself to have two natural births. I was able to push myself through learning to nurse Miles and then nursing a voracious Juniper when he came along. But see, there is a difference. I did those things for the welfare of my children, not so much for myself. When it comes to pushing myself to do things just for me, I tend to falter.
The aspect of this ongoing struggle that always gets me down, is that there are only so many tomorrows to wait for.
…because I wanted to write something about what’s happening now.
15 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
in Quickies Tags: Children, Santa, Toilet training
Juniper
Things are finally starting to fall in to place with Juniper and Miles. Having two kids is just… well, it’s harder than I would have imagined. Trying to keep up with the needs of an infant and a 3 year old has been a real test of my patience. Miles still isn’t fully potty trained, but at least he’s doing all his #2 in the potty. Juniper is passed the colic, but is now dealing with teething. I’ll take pee pee diapers over poopie diapers and teething over colic any day.
As far as brothers go, they are pretty awesome. I can see the love that they have for each other get stronger every day. Miles loves to help me take care of Juniper. Whether it’s throwing out a dirty diaper, fetching me some wipes or rocking him in his seat to calm his crying, he is a fantastic big brother. I try to imagine what they will be like as teenagers. Will they be close friends or have separate interests? Will they fight or defend each other? Will they still be good boys or will I want to sell them to the gypsies? Only time will tell.
The holidays are coming up fast. Thanksgiving will be here in a little over a week and then Christmas. Miles is talking about writing a letter to Santa and we need to start thinking about our Christmas photo/video we do every year. Now that our family is complete, it’ll be nice to document it with one of our usual silly projects. Stay tuned!
Lastly, I love my little family. That being said, I need to find more time for myself so that I can continue to feel the love.
Wellness through singing…
22 Sep 2011 1 Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: Music, music therapy, Singing, Vocal
For those that don’t know, I’m a classically trained vocalist that never took my singing to the professional level because I was too busy finding myself. Yow, that sentence kicks me in the gut a little, but the truth hurts sometimes. I had the talent (or so I was told), but never had the drive to make things happen. I was too young and too hungry for social interactions to get to my 8 am Music Theory class or practice my conducting assignments (p.s. I looked like an untrained monkey flapping its arms). Besides I was going to be a singer, not a teacher. So who cared, right? Well, my professors didn’t care if I was there or not, but my parents sure did. After my second year of mediocre grades and a slew of incompletes, they pulled the plug on my music school career. I continued taking vocal lessons for a year or so, but finally stopped all together due to lack of money and having no idea where I was going with it.
Over the years, through my twenties and my first marriage, I lost track of how much singing meant to me. I forgot how it made me feel and how it freed me up inside. Some people find it through exercise, talking or drugs. My freedom comes from singing. As loud as I can. Driving in the car, blasting whatever song I’m feeling at the moment. Windows rolled up, so it’s all I can hear. All I can feel. For a long time, that’s the only singing I did. Car, shower…yada yada yada. After meeting Kofi (second and last husband), the glimmer of hope shined on my little musical heart. Being a musician himself he encouraged me to record a few songs with him for my friend’s wedding gift and my mom’s birthday. It was…glorious. Standing in his small recording studio/bedroom, singing to his instrumentals was dream like. It felt so right. It made me feel closer to him and closer to myself. All that anger that I’d been holding on to from my first marriage started to fall away piece by piece. Oh we had such plans! We wanted to record an album of covers, then one of originals. A non-traditional Christmas album done our way. The dreams went on. They turned out to be just that, dreams. We put them off and off and off… then we had Miles. Yeah well it takes much more dedicated musicians than ourselves to get into the studio on a regular basis with a baby in the mix. So we let it slide indefinitely.
For some odd reason, now that we are on baby number two, the music has bullied its way back into my life. Thanks to a friend, I started singing with the Raritan Valley Community Chorus while I was pregnant with Juniper. I wasn’t really sure if I could continue after he was born, but here it is three and a half months later and I’m making it work. From there I was offered a spot in the Riverside Quartet as the new alto. A professional quartet! It’s not Broadway, but it’s filling me up inside.
Being a full-time stay at home mother can be (and is) overwhelming. The tears, tantrums and tribulations drain me like nothing ever has. I’m assured by my peers that my children are lovely and well-behaved (in public anyway), but that doesn’t make the tough days any easier to get through. Up until now, I was able to find some solace in quiet activities like cooking and crochet, but it wasn’t the cleansing that my spirit needed. I guess my voice needed to be heard again. It had been wasting it’s time on yelling, pleading and correcting and forgot how to be happy. It’s now slowly relearning how to be pretty again. It’ll take some time to get my voice back in shape, but I’m willing to put in the time. I need this.
A side note: After a particularly grueling rehearsal, I find my stomach muscles feeling tighter as if I’ve been doing some crunches. So, if I can get a flatter tummy out of singing too, what’s not to love?
Let sleeping babies…ya know…sleep.
15 Sep 2011 5 Comments
in Products, Quickies Tags: Chamomile, Health, Infant, Infant Colic, Wellements Gripe Water
Image via Wikipedia
Juni is still not completely past the colic and it is definitely wearing on me. He’s much better now, but he has his bad days. I’m shocked that at this point Miles doesn’t hate both of us. I’m constantly shushing him so that Juniper will sleep a little longer. I just need the quiet is all. I know it’s good to let babies get use to sleeping through noisy situations so they know the difference between night time and day time sleeping, but… honestly my brain needs him to sleep. So far gripe water is the only thing that will calm him when he’s deep into the crying. If I didn’t have that at the ready, I’d probably have gone postal by now. I’ve just gone a teeny bit crazy, so that’s not too bad I guess.
To any mama going through this with her little bundle of heaven, I highly recommend Wellements Gripe Water For Colic. It’s made with organic ginger and fennel extracts as well as organic chamomile flower. It has no alcohol or sucrose in it. It’s been mommy’s little helper for the past month or so. I don’t know what I did before it or what I’d do without it. You can order it at the link above. Luckily it is also sold at Kid to Kid Consignment stores, which has a store local to me.
I’d love to hear from anyone that has survived colic with their baby. If you have any hints or magic trick you’d like to share with the rest of us, please comment here. Thanks!
Related articles
- CNN Colic: What helps and what doesn’t (ittybittybabysteps.wordpress.com)
Losing it a little
10 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
in Quickies
I’m there. I didn’t see it coming at all. The twice a year depression that finds me and somehow catches me totally unaware. The feeling that all of my friends aren’t really my friends. My relationship is slipping. Now that there are children in my life, I feel that I’m screwing them up with my behavior. It will be over in a few days. I just need to hold on til then.
No time, no time at all
17 Aug 2011 2 Comments
in Quickies
Image via Wikipedia
Facebook post from roughly 4 hours ago:
A friend told me that she misses reading my blog. I miss writing it. I also miss having the time to write it. Can/should I push myself to do one more thing? I’m leaning towards yes.
As I write this, I am rocking Juniper in his infant carrier seat with my right foot. I’m hoping in vain that I will have just a few minutes to put down a thought or two from the day. My days are ridiculous now with diaper/pull up changes, breast feeding, practicing my quartet music, crocheting and getting 3 meals on the table for Miles and me (Kofi’s only here for 1 meal a day). Time to write has all but disappeared. Tonight I’ve given myself the challenge to make it happen, even if what I write is total crap. It will be my total crap, and that’s good enough for me.
Huh, what was I going to write about again? Carina would probably remember. She said, ” That’s an interesting thought, you should write about that in your blog.”. Shoot, what was it?! The problem is I feel rushed since he could at any moment wake up and decide that he’s starving and must eat NOW. Think, Theresa, what was the conversation about? Oh! I got it.
I was saying that I thought the only reason that I’m able to get through these rough times (with even some of my sanity intact) is that each morning is like an emotional reboot for me. Somehow, every morning I’m able to wake up with a nearly clean slate. I put yesterday behind me and hope for the best for the day ahead. There are no guarantees that today will be better, but there’s a chance that it will be and that gives me hope. So, when the day has been particularly rough and I’m climbing into bed, I know that when the sun comes up again, it’ll be a little better. She asked if that was a philosophy that I fostered as a coping mechanism. “No”, I said, “that’s just the way I work.”. It’s sort of a selective amnesia I suppose. It allows me to keep on keepin’ on and I am grateful that that’s how my brain functions. It’s similar to the way women “forget” what labor is really like, so we can continue to have more babies after the first one. I forget how much I wanted to ring my toddler’s neck for talking back with a smirk on his face so that I can give him a genuine bear hug and kiss at the beginning of the next day. Of course I wish that I could be all zen-like and not let the talking back affect me in the first place, but how realistic is that? Not very, considering my low patience level and short temper.
Anywho, it’s late. I’m tired and a bit hungry. This was good! I’m proud of me. Thanks Carina for getting me back to the keyboard and into my head.
Fighting past the isolation
04 May 2011 2 Comments
in Uncategorized Tags: Breastfeeding, Family, Home, Infant, isolation, Mother, Parenting
When I first had Miles, I encountered the strongest feelings of happiness and love that I’d ever known. I felt like, here he is, my little companion in life. Within a month we had bonded tightly and even though I was in the throes of depression and angst from my struggle with breastfeeding, I still had a full heart. My life however, felt empty. The friends and people at work that I had come to rely on for socialization had all but disappeared from my life (some circumstantially and some by choice). Kofi and my family remained steadfast and my rock to cling to when the feeling of loneliness took over. It was the knowledge that everyone else in my circle had something else to do during the day and couldn’t just take a day off or even an hour away from work to entertain me that made me feel stranded. Of course I could go out with Miles and walk or shop or what have you, but it was still just this little non-verbal being and me. No real conversations or mature dialogue. You just can’t get that with an infant.
By the time Kofi got home at night, all I wanted to do was talk. Talk about ANYTHING. Sometimes I got what I needed from our conversations, sometimes I didn’t. Through no fault of his own, Kofi just couldn’t always be what was missing in my life. A girlfriend. Someone to talk silly fashion talk to. Someone that could really understand what I was feeling. I needed some estrogen in my life and there was none in sight! After a while things started to change and I was able to connect with some women that were new mothers and even further down the road, made some female friends that were not mothers. It took me what seems like forever to regain my life to a certain degree and to create a new social circle for myself. I have a few good female friends that are relatively local. I’ve started singing in a community choir and I’ve been able to revisit some hobbies that have always brought me happiness.
There is a fear that the new baby (due in 4 weeks) will again lead me into a dark cave of solitude, but hopefully if it does, I’ll be able to lead myself out fairly quickly. I know that I’m going to be exhausted and stressed out. I know that breastfeeding will consume my time again, not to mention trying to keep up with a 2 1/2-year-old at the same time. I know that it will be very easy to slip back into bad habits and forget the simple joys in life, like taking time for myself. But still, if I did it once I’m hopeful that I can do it again.
It’s come to my attention recently that stay at home mothers are not the only ones that suffer from feelings of isolation. A dear girlfriend of mine that is single has felt at times that because the majority of her close female friends are married with kids, she has been put on the back burner by the people she cares the most about. She feels that their families come first and she comes second, third or not at all. While she admits that of course family should come first, it doesn’t make her feel any less left out. We married parents sometimes feel like people should just deal with it if we cancel plans because little Timmy needs extra help with homework or someone at home has the sniffles. We take it for granted that a hip single gal will find something way more interesting to do with her time than hang out with the old boring couple anyway. Not always true and no matter what the circumstance, we all still have hurt feelings when plans are dropped without warning.
Yes, I decided to stay home and raise my kids for a multitude of reasons. I still find myself looking forward to the day when I can get back to work. I’m still the independent hard-working sassy pants I always was. Kids haven’t changed that in me. She decided to focus on a career and has worked hard to get where she is. Still, she finds herself looking forward to the day that she meets her settle down man and starts her own family. Being a hard-working sassy pants hasn’t changed that in her. In order to avoid the isolation from setting in, we need to recognize that we are all the same on a basic level and our need for contact with our sisters is real. What ever it is that we spend our days doing, we function better as woman when we can connect with each other when we need it the most.
What’s for dinner?
10 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
in Food, Quickies Tags: Cooking, Magic Bullet, Quinoa, soup, Soups and Stews
I was at a loss. Truly. Kofi has band practice, so it’s just going to be Miles and me for our nightly sit down. I wanted to use up the rest of the quinoa that I had cooked last night. It took Miles about an hour to eat the plain quinoa and spinach meatballs last time, so I wondered how I could dress it up to shorten the eating time tonight.
Tadah! The lonely can of soup that’s been getting dusty in my cupboard for the past 2 months. I never buy canned soup because of the high sodium content and also cause I don’t like the tin can flavor that comes with it. My sister in law gave it to me because no one would eat it at her house and I didn’t have to heart to tell her no one would eat it in my house either. It’s not like it’s terrible soup (Muir Glen Organic Minestrone), it’s just that I like to make my own and not have to worry about possible BPA in the can.
But desperate times call for desperate measures. I opened the can, took the Magic Bullet out of the cupboard and turned the soup into a thick soupy broth. Adding the leftover quinoa to the broth and cooking on medium until bubbly completed the meal. Oh yeah, I added some water and spices to the pureed soup to cut the saltiness and add some non-can flavor. Will it be edible? We shall see.
